Um, guts to be critical. I would be if I could be. :D Just cause I personally really appreciate constructive criticism. You spell well, dialogue is good. Her brother's a little immature. That's about all the criticism I have. slips from mentor mode to fangirl mode OMG OMG!! I LOVE IT! Seriously, I really do like it. It's got a lot of potential. I especially like the line "the unmentionable one". Hehe!
More please!
Author's response
hee hee :P Thanks so much! :) Your review made me smile. Thank you for being critical, I now have something to work on/ think about :D THANKS!