(#) SNS 2007-12-03
I just noticed that my review was lost in an 'Internet blackhole' the first time I left one. Grrrr!!!
Alright, let's try again...
I love the dream at the beginning, the pacing of it, the details about a younger Charlie. And then the music, like a thread taking him back to the present time... and May. Well, the music and a slight discomfort - cold. When he joins May outside, you only needed a few words to tell us, readers, how good she feels in his arms. And that shared moment is beautiful.
Then, as much as I love your Charlie, I'm glad you used Shinkazu's point of view to give us some insight into what May's birth and their relationship mean/meant to him. I like the 'dialog' with his wife in the end.
Very well done, my friend. :) Once again, the emotions sound true. And I do like your descriptive style of writing - very descriptive, but never overdone.
-Anne
Author's response
Anne,
May's willingness to brave the cold just goes to show how much that music, and by extension, the performers, mean to her.
Although I have already established in my other stories that Charlie and May do visit the UK, and most likely, frequently, their home is in Romania, and I have no intention of ever changing that.
It was a bit of a struggle to keep Shinkazu in character, and I feel comfortable with him as is. If another chance comes up to dialog with him, I will jump at the chance.
I'm glad the emotions ring true. Though if Charlie had known Shinkazu was watching them, he probably would have been inhibited to some degree, whereas I feel May has reached the point where she would have not felt inhibited.
Thanks for the kind words, Anne!
--Jim