I'm always a bit surprised at the amount of Hermione bashing out there. I mean the girl can be a bit naive and uncreative at times. That and falling for Ron Weasley are one of her few character failings.
The formatting of the story could be improved. I had a hard time reading the story because of that. Other than that it could become an interesting read if you continue your story. Not much else to say about a short story like that.