FicWad

Neat, great job!

I like your story, it's really cool and original. I like the whole idea of Frankie being a high school kid and Gee having a kid. I also like Mikey in the story, and the girl, though I think inserting a little bit of more of her background and Frankie and her background would be great. I miss Bob and Ray's presence though.

I think your story could be improved by adding even more of their thoughts and feelings, since the chapters are quite short. In addition to that it seems like some small parts in the chapters are missing, I suppose it's not intentionally, it's just that you skipp writing scens and that makes the story seem a little bit choppy. I would, to give you constructive critisim also, add some scens here and there to improve the fluency of the story. Their action are also sort of random or out of the blue. How they act is not really extremly motivated, which kinda makes it hard for you to understand why they're really doing these thing.

But all in all I feel that the has great potential, and I'm gonna keep reading this. I also liked that they kissed, even if in my opinon their feelings are a bit sudden. Though that's probably just 'cause I like a lot of bulid-up, I like the build-up angst the best.

I hope you won't hate me for criticizing you. I, myself usually feel pretty happy when I get criticism, and I tried to make it as constructive as I could.