Hmmmm.
I'm trying to think of detailed critique, but it's difficult, because it's simply good story. It's interesting reading, enjoyable interaction, and Lulu and Cid sound exactly like Lulu and Cid. I enjoy the tiny touches of humor -- Tidus bounding all over the ship to meet people, a strange game artifact explained IC! -- and Lulu's shrewd comment that the priesthood was afraid of Kimahri.
One thought, which storyless and I discuss sometimes: Lulu's an interesting puzzle as far as her faith. She genuinely believes in Yevon, it seems; she's the one who says they have to go back to Bevelle and atone when they kill Seymour. But she is also able to see where the flaws in the system are; she tells Wakka that if Seymour's at fault, he needs to be held to account. So she seems to believe in Yevon as Yuna does -- ethically -- more than lip service. Also, her last pilgrimage was with a priest. Oh, I'm being longwinded, but you see what I'm getting at... she can understand the Al Bhed perspective better than hidebound Wakka, but I'm betting that she doesn't share Auron's total cynicism for Yevon. After the trial in Bevelle, I expect a bit more from her, if you carry the story that far!
Author's response
Thank you! I'm glad the story continues to entertain you!
Lulu's faith is definitely going to be coming up in the story; I don't think I could write a story developing a relationship that would be so looked down on by her religion without spending some time on that. And, yes, the story will get to the trial in Bevelle. If it goes as plan and doesn't suddenly veer off course in the future it'll run parallel to the game right up to the end of it, and then finish up slightly afterit.