First, let me say that I'm very disappointed in Ficwad in that they have no recourse for authors who are victimized by questionable 'reviews'. Every other fic site that I write for or have ever visited will, at the very least, allow an author to request a mod to look over and possibly delete 'hate mail'. Many will allow the author to delete the review personally.
Second, I do not watch YGO, I do not play 'the game', and I am 44 y/o; In other words, I have no idea about the veracity of this being a 'childish' endeavor. I simply read a variety of fiction in order to find (and enjoy)good writing, and to potentially improve on my own ability.
Third, I am very impressed with your skill and your style. I love and understand the idea behind the metaphors, and the way in which the ones you've chosen so perfectly describe Kaiba. I'm impressed that you managed to keep all of the characters IC, even Bakura despite his not even being 'in' the story. I was able to follow the fact that Yuugi fell from a height and also the reason for both his and Ryou's suffering (as alluded to in his flash back to Ryou as he falls). It is, after all, the same reason. The only thing that I found confusing was that the source of this mysterious 'illness' was never really covered.
I hope you don't mind that this is so long, but I felt that you deserved to know not only that I loved your, but why. Thank you.