Review for Farplane Abyss

Farplane Abyss

(#) fyre_byrd 2005-10-02

The dialogue and responses of Auron and Rikku are quite believable in this short story. Rikku makes astute observations about Auron's character and observations that I feel she would be capable of, like thinking that he doesn't comfort others because he isn't easy to comfort. I also like the way she tries to get him to give her his cloak. Auron would definitely ignore her elaborate shivers.

Rikku's cluelessness about Auron's condition is a little funny and definitely fits in with the game itself. I like how you almost poke a little fun at Rikku for not being observant enough to see that there is clearly something more wrong with Auron than a simple allergy.

I also highly enjoy Auron's flippancy about the apple core and Rikku's nervousness about that. I like how she even feels guilty over Jyscal's appareance.

I do agree with a previous reviewer, however, that your ending seems rushed and cut-off. I can see that you were trying to avoid spoilers about Auron, but everything speeds up towards the end of this short piece.

Where before you paid a rather close attention to detail, but that "a while later" in your second last paragraph seems to signal a glossing over of a lot of important detail. I would liked you to have continued this story by going into detail about Jyscal's appearance and then using a flash-forward scene to show rather than tell how Auron comes to explain that it wasn't Rikku's fault.

But you manage to deal subtly with Auron and Rikku as characters. You don't overdo their language or their attachment to each other. You play it cool and you manage to be insightful. If you worked on the ending this story could be even better.

Author\'s Response: Thanks so much for the praise. I was trying not to go through the canon scene again, and I ended up rushing it. I may even try to edit the ending a little.