(#) brad 2008-05-02
In the chapter pick list this chapter is labelled as chapter #12, even though it's #13. And the 'next' hyperlink from this chapter points to itself.
Now, I'm a H/Hr man first and foremost, but I thought this:
> but she still glared whenever the enthusiastic elf served lunch or drinks. Harry could imagine a lifetime of that sort of thing souring a marriage.
... was clever. Normally I assume that Harry will fall in line with Hermione - since my girl is always right :-) - but, if Hermione was so intractable as to accept magical fact, that the elves must be bound - and I can see that you're painting her as such, a bit less flexible than what I would have hoped, first with Susan's accusation of being 'jealous' and then her attitude to Dobby - then that's a clever observation by you/Harry. I've been enjoying Harry's little thoughts of maturity as this story has progressed.
(Wondering, too, if Hermione is jealous, and if so, if it's because of her own amorous feelings re Harry, or just losing her place as his best friend/girl)
> Luna would go to bed with a smile, wondering how she had lived so alone for years.
That was very nice, too; I think many of us have a soft spot for Luna, and wanted canon!Harry to 'defend' her at Hogwarts (which he didn't do). But this is even better, attacking the problem at the roots ... help her make friends and the Ravenclaw harassment will hopefully go away ... or she'll have many people defending/helping her. (Wouldn't mind seeing that once they're back at Hogwarts).
No mention in the DA training of Harry teaching them how to survive AK curses from the DEs? I often wonder how a real magical fight in Rowling's universe could last more than a few seconds, given the DEs' readiness to use the unblockable killing curse.
Realistic outcome of the fight, with various innocents killed.
> "Despite what you might believe, he was questioned under Veritaserum and admitted to passing on information to his cousin, who is marked.
Nice. Although Harry assumed that Stan was NOT a DE in HBP, and his face was 'blank' when he appeared as an attacker above Privet Drive, one of Greyback's men mentions that Stan has "'put a bit of work [their] way". I guess you're assuming that the latter was NOT under the Imperius?
I've always hated your use of the hypenated word "floo-ed". It seems strange; I think you must be the only author I've ever read who uses it. I think others must use "floo'ed" or "floo'd" maybe.