Stumbled across this fic completely by accident, read it, liked it, then realized I'd already read your "How to Commit Seppuku in Three Easy Steps" from a rec. in Maldoror's lj, and I liked that too. So... I figured that deserved a review. :)
You said that you wrote this in one sitting, which rather surprises me. Most one-sitting stories tend to be more unbalanced than this. While we do get more exposition in the front-half, it doesn't trail off into single sentence paragraphs by the end (except for effect, of course--and the effect is nice!).
I particularly liked the bit where Iruka is sneaking a peak at Kakashi's files. Definitely the sign of an unhealthy relationship! Personally, I'm a fan of KakaIru, but I can see how it could all-too-easily end like this.
What I didn't like was the tense-shift in the closing paragraphs. Oh, I can see why you did it--it leaves us hanging, makes the "waiting feeling" that Iruka describes tangible to the reader as well. But it threw me out of the fic.
That said, I rather enjoyed this little piece and thought it could use some review-love. :)
Author's response
Thank you very much! And... I was recced by MALDOROR? O___O Is there any chance I could get you to point me to this? Holy crap... stunned
Heh, I write all my stories in one sitting, though not normally working under a deadline the way this one was. But if my stuff doesn't get finished all at once it generally doesn't get finished at all, so. ^_^;
The tense-shifting is something I debated about at the time, but in the end it comes down to the fact that the rest of the story is in the past, just leading up to/detailing the events that take place in the present, and it just didn't read right to me without the use of present tense to demonstrate that shift. Sorry it didn't work for you. But glad the rest generally did! Thanks again!