Review for Obsession

Obsession

(#) darkokita 2008-05-24

There are a few problems with your spelling. If you can't get spellcheck than maybe you could get a beta-reader. Also, these two sentences;

"Fine, but just for the video." He growled out.

Kaiba took a deep breath, them screamed out...

The words 'growled' and 'screamed' are both active/descriptive verbs in their own right. It isn't necessary (and is, in fact, grammatically incorrect) to add the word 'out' after them.

I do like the story, though. Animotion's 'Obsession' is one of my favorite songs and I like the images you used for the 'video'. I can just see Kaiba going ballistic, too. LOL