The plot idea was great, the summery was great, but the story, well, it would have been just as great if it weren't for the bad English. I am sorry, I really did enjoy it, but it was just so hard to read and understand in certain points because the English was mixed up and the grammar was bad. I know that English might not be your first language, but with a beta (someone to read and correct your story), this story could go very far.