FicWad

SOOooooo….this chapter was so FANTASTIC and turning-pointy that I had to open a word-doc while reading to keep track of all the quotes and remind me of my ‘talking points’, so bear with me, and if you actually read through all of this, you have no idea how amazing-y-er a person you are! (because you’re already amazing).

By the way, I was diligently keeping track of everything I loved about this chapter, and then I got called away by my ‘rents to dinner, and I admit to pouting a bit because it desperately hurt my chances of getting the coveted ‘first review’. pout pout ok I’m over it I guess…;)

I think I shall conduct this review by quotes, because they direct my train of review thoughts, you know…I’ll just cover little things that struck me about the quotes and such.

It held the digits of sixth thirty, with a dissolving dark blue still oozing from the previous night outside his dark apartment; fading stars and arising sun abound.

You have such a FANTASTIC vocabulary, and you use it SO eloquently, and your imagery is SO beautiful, and I thinkt hat this quote does a pretty darn good job of demonstrating this (although I have another quote that exemplifies your vocabulary, that made me very happy xD).

He sleepily took a shower and got dressed, tying the ugly green Starbucks apron around his thin waist, before perfecting his hair and make-up.

I love this. I giggled at the make-up. A nice little nod the femme side of Ryan Ross.

Maybe today was going to go rather swell after all.

You used the word ‘swell’. I LOVE you! Also I LOVE the tone of your writing. Its hard to describe. I’ve said it before, but it is so descriptive, but not overbearingly so. It makes it distinctive, and readable, and lovely.

*But, that thought was soon forgotten as he entered Starbucks.

He flipped on the light, as three girls instantly bellowed a hyper, "Happy birthday, Ryan Ross!" in unison. He blinked rapidly, trying to regain focus. Oh no. This was a surprise party.*

I can see this play out in my mind! And this is SO in character for the way you have written Ryan. It fit so well.

He looked to the three deviants, who were all smiling warmly at Ryan, causing him to smile back, despite the fact he hated surprises and birthdays. And mixing both wasn't such a good idea. Alas, he continued to smile.

Ryan has such good friends! I LOVE how his reaction goes against what he has convinced he believes. How this demonstrates that all Ryan needs is to be loved, basically.

It was on his mind and he had to whisper something to her occasionally to prevent himself from either gagging at the cliche quotes from the movie or just falling asleep. Alas, Ryan didn't care that he was watching some stupid movie, he just wanted to be close to Helen; snuggled up on the couch; stolen kisses and affectionate whispers galore!

Ironically, to me, it seems that Ryan’s love for Helen mirrors the sentimentality of these movies, albeit in an original manner, the emotions are the same (But truer as well…).

Actually, Ryan thought it was kind of cute that Helen couldn't cook. She'd always make annoyed faces when ever Nicole mentioned it. Her incompetence with a frying pan made him giggle, causing her to blush wildly.

Its so cute to see Ryan being so cute! Agh!!! Squeee! Also: Another hint at Helen’s imperfections, except a rather minor hint but that’s ok. Which reminds me to mention: I appreciate the advancement of Helen’s character so much: as you know I’ve been anticipating that turn of events for a few chapters =)

*"Happy birthday, Ryan!" Elle exclaimed handing him a colorfully wrapped box, causing Ryan to smile.
"A mop! This is, uh... Great!" he exclaimed, trying not to sound too fake so he wouldn't hurt Elle's feelings.
Suddenly, Elle burst out laughing, catching Ryan by surprise. Today was just full of surprises.
"You actually thought I was going to give you a mop for your birthday? I'm not that spiteful." Elle giggled, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a stick of eyeliner, with a perfectly tied green bow.
"Here's your real present." she said, handing him the black eyeliner, causing Ryan to chuckle.*

Let me just say how wonderful it is to see Elle’s sense of humor, with out her totally losing her snarky traits that make her Elle. And it made me giggle that she went to such extremes to wrap a mop, and then just tied a bow (albeit perfectly tied) around the real present. Hehehehe.

Suddenly, Nicole came to life and screamed, "Ooh! My turn! My present next!" while bouncing up and down, full of bubbly smiles. She grabbed her gift and shoved it into Ryan's hand, as he laughed at how hyper she suddenly became.

I just liked this bit because it reminds me of me when I’m hyper too. Lol. Or at Christmas.

In his hands, was a brand new, yellow umbrella, that was just as blindingly bright as Helen's. He couldn't help but smile like a fool at the significance of this gift.

CUTE!!!!!! That is all I can say at the moment XD.

"You know, if you ever get stuck in the rain again." Helen said, causing Ryan's heart to flutter and his stomach to flop with emotions he hadn't experienced before. He was falling for this perfect girl and for some odd reason, he wasn't scared. He already loved the fact that they were dating, which meant they spent more time together than they did when they were just friends. And he could confide in Helen for almost anything, even if Helen didn't really mention her problems. Ryan figured she probably didn't have any. But, his time spent with Helen caused Ryan to change a little, bit by bit. Though he was terrified of that, he could easily see himself changing himself for Helen.

Ahg. Ryan! And Helen! ~is at a loss of words for how fantastic this paragraph/description is~ you write SO WELL!!!!!! This shows Ryan’s emotions and thoughts and it just is so insightful and amazing. I don’t know HOW I’m going to choose an adequate rating for this chapter!

So, they all ate Nicole's cake, as Ryan blew it out the candles, just without making the wish. As cliche as it sounds, Ryan didn't need to. He had everything he ever wanted.

Nothing hugely significant to say about this: I just thought it was CUTE!!!!! Squeeee. Plus Ryan is happy because of his life, which is good to see.

She was the very last person Ryan would expect to do such a thing.

I can identify with that realization. At school we had to attend this panel that spoke about suicide. The panel consisted of some of our peers who in fact had all contemplated and/or attempted suicide… and it was a surprise to find out who some of those people were, considering that you go to class everyday with some of them.

But, it made him realize, that despite Helen's broken past and insecure imperfections, she was still absolutely perfect.

I love this! How we have finally discovered Helen’s past. And how Ryan still adores her. I have a bit of a theory that Helen is almost equally as flawed as Ryan for her optimism as he is by his pessimism, because it blinds her (Somewhat…because she DOES know the ‘other side’) to the world. However this counterbalance of flaws between Ryan and Helen plays wonderfully into the theme of Ryan realizing that everyone is flawed, but equal.

Alas, Ryan pulled out his new, yellow umbrella, and sheltered them from the droplets. Suddenly, Helen looked to him with her intense, brown eyes.

So as far as the umbrella significance goes: It is a beautiful sort of simile to what is happening in the story with Ryan and Helen. Helen , with her umbrella, discovers pessimistic Ryan. As Ryan gets to know, and fall for, her he too becomes optimistic (to a point) and he is TRULY recognizing his value as a human being through Helen. He finds out that Helen herself had to go through that self discovery too, and it shows her weakness and vulnerability which the somewhat-changed Ryan protects with an umbrella (aka being a shelter for her by being a supportive person, and providing her with someone to help, himself). Its just so BEAUTIFUL. Also I personally don’t think Ryan will change completely. I think he’s made good change by being in the “umbrella club” as it were, but I couldn’t imagine him being as perfect for Helen relationship-wise if he wasn’t as flawed in pessimism.

*"I love you, Ryan Ross." Helen said, startling Ryan.

Nonetheless, Ryan soon replied,

"I love you, too."*

THEY FINALLY SAID IT TO EACH OTHER!!!! So cute!!

Note: You used the phrase ‘alas’ extensively throughout this chapter, which was sometimes a little distracting, but its an awesome word, so that’s alright.

I love how you balanced seriousness, with cuteness/humor, and moved the story and themes along nicely xD!

Gosh I don’t know what else to say to sum this up, except I probably read to far into this, in which case feel free to laugh at me if my little insights are way off. Hehe. And you are a fantastic and original writer, which beautiful use of language and tone. =)

I love you you’re brilliant!!!


Xoxo
Lifey