I like the concept so far, but maybe you should try to be a little more literate and be aware of your punctuations. Like when you start a new sentence, capitalize the first letter. And be careful not to put periods in where commas (,) should be.
I don't want to be rude, but hun, this could be rated as illiterate, and I don't want someone to diss on your story because of 'technical' errors.
Great story, though!
Please continue!!!
xoxp,
Adi.
Author's response
Thanks :D . and finally, I have been waiting for someone to tell me that I have mistakes in my writing but no one has done that yet. You are the first one. Sweet. Thanks again.
- scars180_frank (anna)