I really don't mean to 'flame' or whatever, but there are so many things wrong with this story. Firstly, it's all over the place. we need a beginning here. Also, go easy with the capitals. It makes it seem like the story is being yelled. The spelling and the grammar is terrible and we were never introduced to any of the characters. What was it that made Jared horny in the first place and how did he capture Gerard and Davey and that random chick in the first place?
I would really like to help you out with this story. It could be really good. Once again I'm really sorry.
Author's response
thanks it was bad im working on improving alot. i suck as a writer but im writing a fictional life story
so check in for iti need responders like you