Hi
I recently came across this story and have the lat couple of days been reading the first 75 chapters.
I must say that I love this story, the plot is very unique and you do tell a great story add to that some very realistic and lifelike characters and you have a one story that is very hard to put down' once you've started reading it.
Having said the above, I ust also say that there something I find less convincing and that is the bond between Fleur and Harry. Don't misunderstand me, I love the pairing and wish there were more stories with Fleur and Harry, but in this story I feel like you set some high standards for the bond (in chapter 21) but really don't enforce them later on and even downplay the bond at times. At one point I even got the impression that Harry didn't care about Fleur..
It could be I'm just interpreting things, but please allow me to point out a few specific things (and I really do love the story despite what follows, so please bear with me)..
Fleus kisses Bill as thank you and Harry feels pain ? There's no indication that Fleur feels any pain despite she's the one doing the deed.
Later on when Tonks kisses Harry (the Valkyries) there's no indication of any pain from either Harry or Fleur, I would have expected the bond to react.
In general when Harry is teased sexually by other persons (the Nets and Colleen/ Collette, there no mentioning of the bond giving any warning signs.
In chapter 21 you write about the bond "Mating prevents either partner from ever even wanting to cheat with another being. While it considered something that never happens for an unmated Veela to cheat, for a mated Veela or Veela's partner to cheat is considered impossible." However Harry clearly want Tonks in these alter chapters, I would interpret your description of the bond as Harry wouldn't be interested in anyone but Fleur sexually and vice versa.
The one single thing that I really was weird was when Harry woke up captured at the Valkyries... He didn't even think about Fleur before her father asked about his daughter and that even though Harry being mated with Fleur would mean that they cannot live without eachother.. In fact he started flirting with Tonks .. Also here I would have expected Harry to use the bond to locate Fleur.. in fact they could have talked telepathiclly from the start of that chapter reassuring eachother about their mates well being..
Generally, the telepathy excepted , I think that there very few places where the effects of the bond is actually used, which is a shame as it does have a lot more potential.
So in my humble opinion I find it easier to see Harry and Fleur as on/off girlfriend/boyfriend rather than being mated.
Again this is just my impression of the bond between Harry and Fleur, others might see it differently and again I do love the story, so please don't take my criticism too hard, I didn't mean for it to be..
Thanks for a great story and I look forward to reading many more chapters and hope to see more of the bond between Harry and Fleur as the story progresses.
Author's response
Now thats the sort of review I like praising but acknowledging there is room of improvement and actually telling me exactly where/
Ok, before I comment on each link incident I will make reference to another review I received quite a while back, I can not remember who sent it, which site it was on or the exact wording but it boiled down to "I like the relationship between Harry and Fleur, you take the time to set it up but don't harp on about it and let it get in the way of the story by allowing the readers to correctly assume that the relationship is continuing even when it is not being written", that wasn't me criticizing your review as you brought up several good points but that is what I was aiming for.
Ok Fleur kissing Bill and Harry feels pain: Good point, but Fleur knows she is doing it as a thank you and although Harry does to although they are joined they obviously will not feel absolutely everything the other will, otherwise they will feel it everytime one of them pricks a finger, this is obviously not something I thought about at the time but my answer in hindsight would be that Harry's natural worry about Fleur leaving him triggered the links reaction.
Tonks kissing Harry and general flirting both ways: I should have added something in for the kiss but the general flirting I consider the link to be able to tell its nothing serious otherwise it would be going off every time even a half flirtatious comment was made, being flirtatious isn't really the same as being attracted to or wanting someone.
As regards Colleen, the Nets and Colette: At those times we know Harry is not a willing participant it doesn't seem necessary to mention it everytime but for some of the later teasing when Harry and Colette are friends I would say the same rules apply as to Tonks flirting.
Could you give me an example of when Harry clearly wants Tonks as I can not recall one of the top of my head.
I consider the link this way Harry (and Fleur obviously) can look at others and say 'wow she's gorgeous' or 'wow she's sexy' but if they actually tried anything (the other party not Harry) they would not be interested and thusly he would only see others as platonic.
When Harry awakes in the Valkyrie's Volcano I probably should have added in an extra line adding emphasis to his worry for Fleur but as regards using the link I consider it to be a case of something so obvious that he missed it ergo my line:'Harry breathed a sigh of relief then realized what a fool he had been to forget that they had a mental link.'.
That was constructive criticism not 'put down' criticism which is easy to accept.
I am glad you like the story.
Regards
GuardianOfLight