This has no originality whatsoever nor does it have flavor and it doesn't flow very well. I don't feel it at all.You should try putting in some 'images' and cut out the clichés to make it more personal. Although I didn't enjoy it I give you props for expressing yourself, it is a very hard to do.
Author's response
thanks for taking the time to review. i am sorry you didnt like it.
but you cant please everyone...
~jessi lou~