I like this story, but am confused by a number of things.
Does Kiki actually talk? How big is she? When Ron and the others don't see her, is she infant, toddler, kindergarten, or what size are they not seeing.
You could use a beta. There are sentences with too many verbs and some with incorrect words. You're style is difficult enough, and I think a bit too obscure in places, but it mostly works.
But the story is good, and I'm enjoying it.
Thank you, and good luck with it.
Tom A.
Author's response
Kiki does not talk or at least not anything more than a squirrel chattering. She is about three feet tall at the moment.
I wouldn't mind a beta but no one has volunteered yet. Examples of the problems so I can correct them would be appreciated.