I like your dialog between characters. Sometimes I'll read dialog in stories and it seems the author is trying to hard ... dunno if that makes sense, but when doing dialog, you really kinda want to get into the characters and write how they would actually SPEAK. I think you've been doing a good job of that in this story (I would have said so earlier, but I just kinda read the whole thing and didn't comment a lot through it - I'll go back when I have some more time).
And this part: "To think they would never walk the earth again was unthinkable. Never go to one of his band’s shows. Never help him out with anything ever again. Never be there when he needed them..." That really got to me because I've thought that exact thing before.
I also like that there's a lot going on in this story.
And you better tell us what happened with that accident last chapter! LOL
xD
Author's response
I think that has something to do with the fact that it all plays out in my head before I write it. So I hear how they say it and it's like how I speak normally. It gets more vivid description with the characters thoughts but with dialogue I hate it when some authors make it too dramatic. No one talks like that! Even in dire situations you're more likely to become less coherant than you are to speak perfect English and say the exact right thing.
Yeah, I think that sort of stuff just runs through your mind when you lose someone, you cant get over the fact that they wont be around and it hits you again and again whenever you remember something.
Yeah there is a lot going on, I get a bit worried that people will get confused but it seems okay. It all links together at the end :)
Thanks so much for reviewing!