(#) fubar 2009-01-05
The main problems of your story are your social interactions(dialogs/situations/characterisation). A good guideline would be reading your own story:-) and ask yourself if you would talk that way or if the situations you create feel in any way natural.
Author's response
Thanks for the constructive criticism. It's always nice to be told about how the story can be improved.
Concealed-Convict