OK, now I'm glad I stuck with this despite the problems with the writing. This is the most original solution to the problem of Tom Riddle that I've ever read. Even more so than "Be Careful".
The writing... Getting past the spelling and grammar, which are arguably not the fault of the author (dyslexia), the real problem is writing like:
> Helena, like most mothers-to-be, had been a little concerned that Harry wouldn't take to fatherhood, after all, her father had barely given her the time of day as she was growing up, but that was then and this was now and her husband would definitely be a "hands on" dad. She practically glowed seeing how much he loved their little Lily
> Harry, for his part, was having so much fun with his daughter he'd almost forgotten the other reason for his visit, "Do you remember anything about your mum's diadem?"
---
> Winky, First Nanny to the House of Potter was happier than anyone had ever seen her as she prepared the nursery for its first two occupants. "The Mummies is needing resting soon and then Winky is taking care of the littlest Potterses."
The problem here is the difference between _telling_ the reader something happened, and _showing_ the reader.
Let's try a small rewrite on those three paragraphs.
Helena sighed with relief. "And here I was worried that Harry wouldn't take to fatherhood," she thought.
"The way you love Lily seems like a miracle to me, Harry. My own father barely gave me the time of day when I was growing up."
"Oh, I'm going to be a 'hands on' dad," Harry cooed as he rocked back and forth with his daughter on his shoulder. "Hey, did you know you're glowing, almost literally."
"Oh, I almost forgot... Do you remember anything about your mum's diadem?"
---
Winky smiled as she prepared the nursery. "This is so wonderful, Winky could just cry! Two little babies to take care of, and more to come. So much for Winky to do. But right not the Mummies is needing resting. And then Winky is taking care of the littest Potterses. You'll see, she'll make sure they're the happiest babieses you ever saw."
Also, if the author has trouble with correct spelling and grammar, that's what Beta readers are supposed to be for.
Author's response
Thank you, truly, expect to see a slight re-write of this chapter in the near future. You’re right, of course, “show, don’t tell” should be engraved and gilded on every author’s desk. Now if I could just attract and keep a decent beta reader. . .
One more chapter to go, then I’m working on the rewrite for GuitarGurl’s original Battered Hearts fic.
N!