Review for Incidental Consequences of Good Intentions

Incidental Consequences of Good Intentions

(#) 31415 2009-02-06

This is a promising beginning and with a little assistance from a beta it could be very good indeed.

Specific suggestions include being more careful with your grammar (homophone confusion in "Your being a total prat", number disagreement in "every other Christmas presents") and the phrasing and word choice in a few places; and I think that the story would be better trimmed of a few words here and there (e.g: "...presents that had been given to him in this life" could be "...presents he'd been given").

In short: good but not perfect and I'll be sure to read further chapters.