Wow. You say this is your first story? You sure about that? Umm, wooooooow. "Riku's" emotion seemed so geniune, and your reasons for it were so logical, the "" did a great job of emphasising how he wasn't the real Riku.
(Last line was really mysterious, length was appropriate, so many awesome lines that I would've looooooved to have written myself. Can't find that much to concrit, with my experience, I'd probably just be grasping at invisible straws.)
Author's response
Aw, thanks for the well-thought-out review!
Inspiration rarely strikes me - when it does, I'm either too lazy or too busy. This is the only completed thing I've got - and it's from a few years ago. (I stuck it onto fanfiction.net first) I really should write more. ;^^ Still, it's wonderful to see this little one-shot's appreciated!
I had been roleplaying for awhile before I wrote this, but I'm not sure if that really counts toward writing experience.
Seriously, thank you for the honest commenting. It gives me that much more of a boost. :)