Ok better grammar though you still have some word usage mistakes and also IMHO yes they fell head over heels in love but its just too OOC for me to see both of them, harry being so emotionally stunted by living with the Dursley's and Hermione not having any real friends til going to Hogwarts to have them making love so early. This could go on through the 4th year on and I would encourage you to do just that as these two now being together would change things for the 5th,6th,& 7th year.
Now as for the story line very good and frankly you could have gone another way right when they went to the girls dorm. Again i suggest taking it from that point and doing a multi-chaptered story and gradually build up to that sex scene, maybe at the end of the tournament or even wheN they end up ad #12 Grummauld Place!
dennisud