This was pretty damn good for a first shot at fanfiction, far better than my first try at least, which still hasn't been finished and never will be. Honestly, if you put it all together in a single chapter and then went over it with a fine comb (metaphorically speaking of course) then you would have one of the best one-shot H/HR's that I have ever read and I have read so much HP fanfiction that I struggle to find the quality stuff that I haven't read.