I don't think so. I got a lot of positive responses to this, but that is almost entirely because of the humor. The fact is that, without the jokes, this story sucks frozen monkey testicles. As in, the testicles of a frozen monkey, with him watching you the entire time, but impotent to do anything because he's frozen.
...I forgot what I was talking about. Anyway, I'm not a very good writer; no attention to detail. Plus, I don't like to write.
Thanks, though.
Author's response
Whoops. This was supposed to be a response to the dude that asked me if I'm going to write some more. I don't know why it is a review. Why would I review my own story?