You said you would like some candy coated feedback and I will cos honestly I read it and liked it. You have something very interesting to talk about and the descriptions are helpful too. I think as a first time submission it's not a bad one either.
Okay so here goes with a little helpful (I hope) hint, break up the paragraphs a little more, it helps for online reading if they are well sspaced and people seem to keep concentration easier. At least that's what I was told and it helped me. Good luck!