I read this and cried. It was as if you knew my story and put it down on the screen.
See I started self mutilating myself when I was 12. I have multiple personality disorder and severe depression and anxiety issues (which, when thrown together, makes a very wonderfully unbalanced and "crazy" person). I take tiny things personal and something my dad said to me as a child made me hurt myself.
The struggle with the blade took me 11 years to deal with. Oh sure, I had my good days... but they were followed by nights of cutting so much I fell asleep with my wrist tied up in rags to stop the bleeding... and excuses as to the marks or long sleeves.
I still get the urge. But I've learned to control it. And the title of your essay says it all. "For I Did Not Loathe Myself Any Longer." And I don't.
P.S. I totally favorited this.
It sounds like you've been through alot, and getting through
that is just amazing.
It's good to hear that you don't hate yourself anymore because no one
deserves to feel that way. No one.