This story doesn't just need improvement, it needs to be re-worked completely.
The spacing, grammar, and spelling are non-existent. The PWP is childish, unrealistic, and lacks even the most basic ability to convey passion to the reader. The storyline is a lot like the PWP and manages to come off even more surrealistically.
As for the whole Aspergers debate...Seriously!? If you want to get sympathy and/or a pass because you have a disease, post this somewhere where the people will be sympathetic like Maxtaf up there. The DLP crew uses this site, and I, for one, would love to see the response to this.