There were two things that bothered me about this chapter. First is that Bellatrix would never say "ya'll". It can be hard to write fanfiction if you're from the south, I know as I'm from South Carolina. I would try to change that though. Also, Bellatrix sounds a lot older than she is. She's only twelve, but the way she speaks she sounds much older.
Other than that I really enjoyed this chapter. This story is definitely very unique!
Author's response
Thanks so much for the suggestions! I'll edit out the "y'all" part. I totally get what you mean about having problems writing fanfic if you're from the south. =/ And I'll keep that in mind with Bella.
Thanks for taking the time to review! I hope you continued to read. :D