Review for the killer expermint

the killer expermint

(#) Ithilwen 2006-09-24

Rous is right. This needs a lot of work. Here are some places to start:

Who is the girl and why is she in the place at night?

Something wierd happens to the ball when the girl puts water on it, but why does it occur to her to do so? Does she have a wierd, quasi-telepathic idea or is the ball just dirty?

The book "floated" as the wind's "current" "got" stronger. Also, is it the numer (no s) "629" or the numberS "6," "2" and "9"?

The whole point of an opening scene is to hook the reader into reading the rest of the story. Even if you don't answer the questions above, you should show the reader that they are there.

Author's response

i'm not going to give most of the plot away by answearing all of your questions, but i'll tell you that the #'s 629. and I'll take your advice, so I'll add the first chapter on the protolouge chapter. and, to answear one of mine questions with mine own: have you watch any of the show in the movie's series? 'k, bye.