It's a neat idea but the two chapters I read had critical and fundamental flaws.
The first one is the typical over the top abuse suffered by Harry. Totally unbelievable that it would not have created a different person at school than it did. No one who was abused to the extent described would have behaved as he did at school where he lived, ate and slept with people for 10 months of the year. You can't have it both ways. If you want him to be abused his entire life to the horrific degree you describe then you also must have it severely affect his personality and values. You don't and that makes things a farce.
Secondly, the reaction to Dumbledore was somewhat ridiculous. Dumbledore is the source of his abuse. In this case literally sending letters to Vernon to beat Harry and obliviating members of the OP who witnessed the beatings. First of all Dumbledore's actions as portrayed here would have been considered evil by anyone so what is he doing in the afterlife in what would appear to be a version of heaven? If in this universe everyone goes to the same place then where is Voldemort and all the death eaters? How would Harry's family and friends there not be trying to attack Dumbledore when he showed up? Harry's reaction itself seemed ridiculously mild. Sure he objected at first but then pretty much gave right in without any conditions involving revenge on Dumbledore.
Anyway, I just think it was ridiculous. The Jedi idea was good and the overall writing was great.
Either Harry should have been killed in a one time beating with a crowbar or such that no one witnessed or he needs to be portrayed as a very Dark Harry with a vicious streak. They still could have discovered him dying. He still could have hated the wizarding world because they did send him back there. His reactions then as you portrayed them would have been consistent and believable.
Author's response
Hello, Georgem.
I beg to differ.
Harry's canon personality is a disgrace, I agree. Having grown up abused in very much that fashion, (with the exception of the rapes, as my dad felt rapists were disgusting animals and should be killed (but apparently not alcoholic child abusers...go figger!)) I was very much like Harry. Shy and introverted. I was willing to do what was necessary, but I was by no means the natural leader Harry is.
As a former police officer, SEAL and having served with the Marine Corps, I have seen and studied far too much of abuse. Unless abuse is stopped, it only gets worse. There are two general ways the abused child can go. First he can act out. This is the most common. He acts out, gets in trouble, and if intervention doesn't correct the problem (and it rarely does) the cycle continues.
Or second, he can hide the abuse. this is what both Harry and I did.
By rights, Harry should be much like Malfoy, only sneakier. He's (likely) had to steal food to survive, and if he were the acquisitive type, other items of interest. If this were an accurate portrayal, he'd be cunning and manipulative and show the world what they want to see. He's also want the limelight, where Harry of canon, (and most fanon) does not.
Vernon's actions are well within his established canon personality. Add a little alcohol(or a lot) and he is easily capable of committing the crimes I've noted. throw in the compulsions from Dumbledore and it's guaranteed.
Harry's reaction to Dumbledore in the nexus was precisely according to canon. He blew up at him, and from then on, ignored him. By betraying him, Dumbledore became an 'un-person'.
Even in canon, Dumbledore is a callous, ruthless, manipulative bastard. He's an expert in playing people, and since most of the wizarding population has been under his tutelage for the past eighty or so years, he also has a great deal of political influence. Why do you think Snape was never sacked for for his bullying, or gross negligence. Or Filch...a caretaker who thinks it's more important to get the students into trouble than actually do his job. For that matter, why is Filch there in the first place? The elves clean up the place. Or Binns perhaps. A ghost teaching a subject by rote with enough enthusiasm to make grass wilt, focusing almost entirely on the goblin rebellions. Like Snape, he'd have been sacked for incompetence. (On second thought, his mandatory classes seem more intended to drum the idea into the students heads that the goblins are deceitful treacherous animals who'd rise up to destroy the wizarding people in a second. (It appears to me the ministry had been involved for much longer than Harry's tenure.))
Dumbledore admitted to Harry that he placed him with Petunia knowing he'd be abused. IMO, he did so specifically to condition him to deprivation and pain in order to ready him to sacrifice himself for Dumbledore's greater good. In canon, Dumbledore knew Harry was the horcrux,(Sounds like a Dr. Seuss book.) and yet he did nothing to prepare Harry to survive his coming confrontation. In canon, he insisted Harry had to die in order to destroy Voldemort, but he never investigated any other methods. He had fifteen years top look, but he made his plans and refused to consider any other options. He caused his own death because he got greedy, and even in the last year of his life, he continued to mushroom Harry, manipulate people and arrange things so Harry would go on thinking he was the epitome of all that is good and righteous.
He knew about the horcruxes, but he refused to tell Harry anything about them, relying on stupid riddles and 'psychobabble 101' instead.
The afterlife: It wasn't. where Harry met in canon was a crossroads. Where I had them meet was a nexus outside time. Dumbledore had been called because he was important to harry. For good or ill, he was important. I left out many people who'd influenced Harry's life including Petunia and Vernon, and I think having Voldemort there would have been counterproductive.
Revenge: Harry's revenge develops throughput the story.
~Dark Harry with a vicious streak~
My upcoming story 'Harry Potter: 'Dark Lord of the Sith', is such a story.
I hope you'll continue to read.
Alorkin