Hello Alorkin
I just started reading your story from the first chapter and I must say you have reached a nice balance of moving the plot along while showing Harry and company training. All too often a story will bog down showing all the training or will go from nothing to super power with no work on Harry's part.
You have also have been keep things very consitent and well thought out. However I did notice one small and one major problem here.
1st Luna and Remus where there when they buried the house elf but where'nt they making their focusing gem at that time?
2nd Through out the training Harry has insisted on the light sabers being checked and rechecked before sparing.
However when testing Luna's new LS she pulls out a 2nd LS that was NEVER CHECKED. I would have though Harry would have called a stop to the sparing and then come down hard on Luna for pulling a stunt liked that. After all Luna is one of his top people and should have know better.
If after 30 chapters thoses are the only problems I found all I can say is well done well done indeed.
Looking forward to the rest of the story
P.
Author's response
Hello, phantom.
I'm glad you've taken time to enjoy my writings.
I've seen far too many otherwise great stories that fall apart without a proper foundation...and having served in the mil for as long as I have, I despise instant SUPER-HARRY! (just add magic/potions/time-turner/ritual/etc.) While Harry has the knowledge, he still has to get used to using it, and that takes work.
THE PROBLEMS:
1) You're right! (Blushes) Fortunately, that's an easy problem to correct. When I post on FF.n, I'll remove their names from the list.
2) Again, you're absolutely right...and this is the type of brain-fart I've been trying so hard to avoid. (Gorsh! I feel like JKR!)
While I can rationalize her having previously checked her weapons, the fact is, I did miss it. Harry should have halted the evolution immediately and checked the second lightsaber.
and then chewed her out for bringing it in the first place.
My bad.
I appreciate your input and please feel free to bring any errors like that to my attention.
Alorkin