Nicely done! The voices you gave Jack and Bill are very IC and interesting (which is the important part). Great work. I'd like to see more!
I can't believe more people haven't reviewed this.
Author's response
Why thank you! We're very flattered, indeed. We have plenty waiting (over 44,000 words and counting!), but I was going to wait to post a second chapter until at least tomorrow.
Thank you again, and if you have any tips, we'd love to hear them while we are in the editting phase.