This is a very nice story, pretty original, and so far very promising!
I am not an angst fan but if there is humor and some fluff I think I will like it very much!
Also I speak Spanish and you have some mistakes such as : Doy para arriba! I give up… arriba is like up as in ceiling or sky . The saying should be: me rindo, or, renuncio. If you have some short phrase you need to translate just e mail me to ikarykun01 yahoo com ar, and I´ll try to send you an answer.
well, good luck !!!