Your English is excellent,I've been taking French for two years and Christ,I couldn't hope to be able to write that well.
I'm enjoying this. It is very original like I said in a previous review. I hope you decide to continue.
As for spelling and grammar,I only noticed two problems.
Admittedly it didn't seem to inviting but I guess for most of the people this was their last hope.
The form of the word "to" used is incorrect here. It should have been spelled too. That's the proper form for the type of description you used in the above sentence.
She was small for her age with sandy blond hair much like Mikeys only hers was tied together in a messy ponytail with a few loose strands falling in her face covering her eyes.
The problem here is that when you show possession an apostrophe is supposed to be added between the person's name and the s.
Those are the only flaws in this chapter. You write very well considering this is your second language.
P.S: If you want me to shut up and stop correcting this stuff,I don't mind,just say the word. :)