"Indescribably disappointing."
So it was a herculean labor, but one of the ones that didn't count...
The swearing is amusing. Here's an idea -- go back to the SCORE! chapter and make Andy _perfect._ He knows exactly what to say; he knows exactly what steals Sheena's fleece, the works.
Oh wait... Is that what the "a girl who can rock is really sexy to me" what supposed to be? Hmm... Now some layers of subtlety are coming out. How about dream-Andy says the same thing, but the way _Sheena_ would say it? If Sheena would tell someone, "You're sexy to me," just like in an advice column, then it's fine, but if Sheena would say, "You rock my world," or "You elucidate my abstract femininity," or "It was like you were strumming my spleen," then have him say that.
"Didn´t hear any snoring." But perhaps she drooled on him? If it was dream-Andy who was worried about drooling, then it's really subconscious-Sheena who's worried about drooling.
Author's response
Now looky there. Stupid fanfic girly author actually manages "layers of subtelty" and a twist you didn´t see coming. ;) Yeah, I wanted Sheena to be pretty much passive during the dreamed sex thing because it´s more like a movie to her than real life. Thanks for keeping reading and reviewing, Ithilwen. That´s very noble of you. :)