it was good but the format was confusing....try re-writing it from a different point of view. and elaborate on the story and detail. :)
Author's response
Thank you for the constructive comment :) It's really good to hear from someone else, and sometimes can really help. But this is meant to be confusing, it's meant to make the reader think. It's more like poetry than a story, which is what my style is usually like. It's meant to make the reader think about whose perspective it's told from, and who's in it, and what's going on. :) But thank you :3 (I just thought I'd help you understand what is going on and stuff).