I've just read the whole book. I found it wholly gripping on its own merits. You serve fan-fiction well. Publish your own non-fan fiction, I say, if you are not doing so already.
Minor niggles: it's nearly always "lying", not "laying", that people do on mattresses; for "re-enforcement" I think you mean reinforcement; 36-15-38 and similar wolf-whistles reveal more about the writer than about the character, and "36DD" is even more juvenile.
Niggles aside, I congratulate you on a complex, complete, and satisfying book, streets ahead of anything else I've read on the Net so far.
Regards
Ann English