I think the way this is written is very interesting. It was a very clever way to continue and to tell us what happened. It would've been completely fine if you continued it by Gerard and Mikey bursting into the room, and I'm sure that if you chose to do it that way it would still be great, but I think this way we got to feel it ourselves instead of us having to feel it through Gerard and Frank. I mean, in Mikey's point of view we get to see exactly what happened and we get to know exactly how he felt when it did happen, but if we heard it through Gerard and Frank, we wouldn't feel the fear that Mikey felt during his nightmare. I hope that made sense. I really like this part. "Which is what I want, I want to go back to him. More than anything. No. Not back to him. Back to my big brother. But my big brother’s dead. Has been for years." I thought it was very clever. I really like how Mikey would say something and then would come up with something else. Like here, when he says he wants to go back to Gerard, but then says "No. Not back to him. Back to my big brother." It was a really clever way to show how bad Mikey really felt about things. It also showed that Mikey really believes that they can never get back to the way they were before. Once someone's dead, their memory still lives, and that's all Mikey has of Gerard as a non-parent, non-druggie. I also thought it was clever to show how little self confidence and self esteem Mikey has by him saying how he felt about his stutter, and how the kids in school used to treat him. He really thinks he's "less than worthless", and that he causes all bad things to happen. Only the kids at his school
and Gerard are to blame. There are soany things I love about this, and I want to tell you all of them, but I feel terrible. It feels like I was stabbed in the chest, and it hurts even more to cough. Well, this is wonderful and well written and I just love this.
Author's response
Thank you soooooo very much for reviewing! Originally I was going to write it as Gerard and Frank bursting in, I'd even started writing out that version of this chapter, but decided that it didn't sound quite right. Besides, I decided it was time for Mikey to have a chapter in his point of view. I agree with what you say about feeling it through Mikey instead of Gerard/Frank; I wanted to create a sense that Mikey really does have a reason to the way that he is, that really bad stuff has happened to him. I guess I kinda wanted to make the reader sympathise with him and get an idea of the sort of things that go on in his head, so I hope that came across alright.
I'm glad that you liked the whole thing wwhere he was like I-want-him-but-not-him-because-my-brother-is-dead, I wanted to convey how bad he felt, as you put it, and how mixed up he is inside.
Once again, your interpritation is spot-on. I wanted to write Mikey as the kind of character who has been pushed down so many times that he's starting to wonder whether it's even worth getting back up and the sort of person that blames himself for everything. Kind of a people-pleaser in an introverted, anxious sort of way.
Thank you soooo much for being so nice about what I write; it really does put a genuine smile on my face!
Anyway, HERE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF MY RESPONSE; GET WELL SOON! I sincerely hope that you get well ASAP. From the reviews you leave I would say that you are a genuinely nice person who doesn't deserve to be ill; so I wish you a full and lightening-fast recovery!
Thank you soooo much for taking the time to review! :)