This chapter is great! It isn't boring at all. I think it was really interesting and just the way it was written and how you phrased certain things really captured the reader's attention. It wasn't dragged out and I think everything was written at a really nice speed. The story couldn't have just started with Mikey saying he has nowhere to go and then he gets Pete's text and then calls Pete and everything in the phone call happens and then the chapter is over. You had to develop it a bit so that it wouldn't just be stating what happened and then the end. I thought it was really interesting to see you build on Mikey's thoughts and feelings about the whole thing. I also liked that Mikey is starting to see Gerard the way that he really truly is. Then, of course, he starts thinking of himself as ungrateful because Gerard was caring enough to break free of addiction and take Mikey in and play the role of guardian, even though he didn't have to. It was Gerard's choice to take Mikey in after their parents died and Mikey's here thinking about how he hates Gerard and how he wants to slap him and all this other stuff. Mikey doesn't really hate him, but it's like he doesn't want to convince himself that Gerard can have the bad qualities that he really does. He doesn't want to believe that Gerard is flawed. Or at least that Gerard has more flaws than Mikey originally thought. I really liked the conflict Mikey was having with himself. Not just about Gerard, but about Pete too. You finally believe that Mikey's going to settle on thinking that he himself is not entirely to blame, but then you see "but he wouldn't have to do that if I wasn't such a coward" or something like that. I think it was written very well. I also liked that Frank getting mad was such an important thing to him. Frank doesn't hurt anyone at all, so when he hit Gerard he automatically thought it was his fault. I also really liked how how he'd say I'm hungry or tired or cold and then he'd kind of dwell on it for like a second and then go on think more about what happened before. It's like he knew something was wrong with him, but he didn't want to go home or call Pete and burden anyone with another thing that's wrong with Mikey. Then of course he gets the text and he's telling Pete and everything else. That was really surprising. Yes, I noticed him saying he wad hungry and tired and all, but I certainly did not expect that!! I really liked it though. The phone call was so well written and it actually made me worried for Mikey and now I can't wait to know what happens. I really liked this. It was beautifully written and it was paced very well and it certainly was not boring!!! I really liked this. Can't wait to read more.
Author's response
Thank you very much; I'm so pleased that think this chapter is alright and not boring, I was really worried that it was about as interesting as a bowl of porridge and about as crappy as a sewage works. I'm really relieved that you didn't find it to be all dragged out, the chapters in this story have all been consistently lengthy (for me, anyway) and I was worried that it would start to annoy/bore people with how I can never just get straight to the point with anything.
I'm glad that you thought the devolpment of Mikey's feelings was interesting, I was worried that it just made it dull/dragged out, I really wanted to show that he's starting to think differently about his big brother; is starting to seem him, not as flawless, but as the person that he really is. But then, just like you said, Mikey feels bad for thinking that Gerard is anything less than perfect for exactly the reasons that you have picked up on, so I'm relieved that all of that came across alright.
Your interpritation of this chapter is precisely what I was going for; Mikey doesn't hate Gerard, not at all, he just doesn't want to see any flaws in his only family member left.
I wanted Frank getting mad to come across as hugely important to Mikey becuase Frank's always the clam, rational one out of them that would never hurt a fly. He blames himself because he knows that Frank getting mad was connected to him, but not because of him; because of how Gerard was treating him. If that makes any sort of sense.
I'm relieved that you liked the phone call, I kept editting it and playing with different ways of how it was going to play out and I wasn't sure if I did it right so it's really encouraging to know that you liked it!
The next chapter will be up within the hour (I'm just editting it now).
Thank you so very much for taking the time to leave such a kind, friendly and detailed review; it really does mean sooooo much to me! :)