Crap forgot the original story. Have to read that now again. ah sigh. :) Nice start.
Author's response
Hi there. I'd recommend not reading the original again. The revised version is a lot better as I've fixed a lot of the errors, as well as better explaining a lot of the scenes. They'll be posted here soon, but the revised version (with chapter 23) is already on fanfiction.net already. The story editor here is extremely awkward to use, and doesn't seem to like my filtered HTML much. I'll get around to adding the rest of the chapters here though.
Brian