ooh i like this!! :)
I really hate pointing out anything close to negative about anyone's stories cause it sort of makes me feel like I should be able to do better, then.. When I know that I'm not even close to your level of talent :)
But anyway, there was a thing that caught my eye several times, the way you use the word 'like' a lot.. And it doesn't really bother if it's a part of the style of the narration but it was just something I wanted to point out, for example
"and like dying"
"to have like forgotten"
"like fucking married"
"used to be like the cutest couple"
"got AIDs and like died"
"and like sleeping on his face"
"he had like the best hair"
"fought or like moved away"
"there’s like this spark"
"be like veggie food"
"and he like claims"
there was just a lot of those and at some point it started reminding me of a certain type of teenager speaking.. :)
Okay now that I got that out, I still have to tell you that I really loved the chapter, I'd just want to read 65498 in a row so keep updating please :)
Author's response
Thank you so much and concrit is always very very welcome so thanks
I shall explain the amount of likes
It's basically because I'm writing in the style of a Not fic which is a much more casual way of writing at it's supposed to be almost as if you're just telling a story to one of your friends rather than writing a novel if that makes sense? Later in the story I even use OMG and IKR which I know kills some people but it's almost meant to be sarcastic.
Thank you so much I will do! C: