This could be a good story, but you will need to give it a major overhaul. That means better sentence formation, use of capitals, apostrophes in the right places (i.e. "today's", not ''todays"), some of those sentences are just really out there and don't tie in very well. Either way, I do like the plotline on it.
thank you for that. im working on changing the writting the format im using on the computer doesnt add anything automaticly so im begining to changing it up. the story its sel isnt really planned out at all im just winging it. not my best idea but its being written. there are flasbacks written in first person and present time written in third and the notebook. the next section will be alot better i hope