I agree with the person who yelled at you in caps lock about how amazing you are ^.^ seriously, don't even think about changing this chapter, it's utterly perfect just as it is! Everything about the way you write, and this story, is just incredible, don't ever doubt your writing skills! Thanks so much for sharing your gifts with us :D
Author's response
Aww, thank you very muchly! You've made me smile ridiculously at my computer screen. I'm so pleased you like my story, and I really appreciate you taking the time to review- thank you!