I haven't actually read all the previous chapters yet, I just came to the last one to comment because I don't know, I guess I felt awkward commenting on a chapter that is decades old. I'll go back and read the other chapters after this XD
Anyway, a few pointers. (Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm not trying to be mean at all!) I'm not sure how to say this but... Dots. It would make the story a lot easier to read if you made, you know, actual sentences. And you might want to think of the paragraphing thing as well. Just a thought. I just mean that you may get more readers if the story is easier to read. Most people instantly click off a story and don't bother reading it, no matter how good the plot and content of the story itself may be, if the story is too difficult or messy to read. I don't claim to know crap about writing or grammar or anything that goes with it, but, you know. Just saying. Don't hate, please!
And if you can't be bothered with it yourself, maybe get a beta? Just a suggestion.
Anyway, definitely keep up writing! I guess practice does make perfect, but I wouldn't know... :D
Bye!
Author's response
thank you for the constructive criticism i appreciate it and i understand that it may be hard to read but i write fast and i forget to put full stops and end up putting capital letters in the wrong places and when i wrote it on word it was in paragraphs but as soon as it was posted on here it wasn't i have tried to edit it but it hasn't changed, and i don't get mad when people give me constructive criticism unless their my parents about my lifestyle haha but thanks i really do appreciate reviews like this as it shows me where i need to improve so thank you again :)
Amy-Beth x