FicWad

If there's anything, one thing my family always believed in, no matter what, was the fact that there is no way to fix anyone. I'm not calling you on anything, trust me, I just want you to know that. No matter how hard anyone can try, how good the intentions, there is no way to fix someone other than yourself.

Though it might not help much, I would say that your parents did love you, at least at one point. I feel like, as kids, sometimes we forget that before us, our parents had different lives, were different people. It's sad to think, but some parents see their children as a chance to succeed, without doing actual work. They're going to live vicariously through you, and most likely your sister too. They have their own hardships, their own desires, and their own way of showing you they're trying. Your mom may not seem like it, but she is trying. She won't understand things you want unless you make it clear to her, she looks at the things with distaste because she associates the ideas with negativity, something that took away the little girl she once knew. I'd feel like she's trying to get that back. The innocent, naivete little girl she took to get pizza, the one she ranted about which colleges and universities she was going to go to. Something you aren't anymore, and something you shouldn't strive to be just because someone else wants you to. You understand that. It's why she makes you so angry.

As for your little sister, unless you have other siblings, she is the baby. Your mom won't want to let her go. She's watched the little girl you once were leave so quickly. I am also an older sister. A great woman once said the first born child is the ones the parents mess up on, the test drive. It makes sense your mom would talk to a nine year old about things like uni. She's scared.

She's so scared you aren't going to have the best life possible, that you're going to fail, that she is going to fail as a mother, as a provider, as a person. She's forgotten that only you can pick yourself back up when you fall, that no one ever learns without experiencing it themselves. She's forgotten of your happiness, that although things are never perfect, as mother it is her duty to assure you things are going to be okay. She's forgotten to show you and your sister affection and comfort and love because she's too scared to failing at something she's already forgotten how to do.

You can't change her. The best thing to try, however, is to simply talk to them. Don't hide yourself away in your room cos you just know they won't listen. Fight with your words, make them understand you are not okay. Help them know what you want. What you need. And if that fails, you can say you tried.

You cannot say 'I don't care.'

It's one of the most terrible things you can say. Because you do care. There is some little part of you that does. Just like there is a little part of you that still thinks your parents will see reason. You're ranting cos of that.

Above all. ABOVE ALL DO NOT LOSE HOPE.

You are important to this world. You deserve to be here, exist, live. For some wild reason, greater power above gave us the power to create, to be. That's amazing. You are amazing.

-S

P.S. - I'm so sorry about the length. Also, apologies in advance if you don't get anything of substance from this review. However, I can truthfully say everything I said, I believe in.