a friend of mine who would cry because she never thought anything she wrote would amount to anything, and in her mind that meant she herself would never amount to anything, often said,
"Insanity is doing the same things over and over and over again and expecting things to be different,"
things are confusing because to a question there's very rarely one answer, and instead many. Hell is repetition is insanity. Insanity is Hell is repetition.
If there's wool over your eyes, burn the fabric and see for yourself. If it's being hidden from you, there's a likelihood you may be hurt. But if that's an acceptable price for honesty and some clarity, do what you must.
If she's given up on you, she would have let you seen the truth. And if she really has, you cannot give up on yourself. Let yourself go down if you feel it's inevitable, but come back. Take as much time as you need. But come back. This isn't crap. It's emotion, soul, it's thoughts strung on words, and it's so valuable because you will look back at this someday and say to yourself, "goddamn look at me now" and it's going to be fucking great.
You will get better. Once you hit the bottom, the only direction you've got is up.
-S