While better written, and in the Hermione scene even being somewhat original, believable and perhaps even a bit moving, this chapter still jumps everywhere with insufficient background and fleshing-out of the little fragments and story ideas you put together. The other original points you added were lost causes because of a lack of story flesh.
It's better, but I can't call it a coherent story.
(And btw, the later chapters being better is not an excuse for the first chapter. The first chapter is the first impression you make on the readers of your story. It also puts them in a better and more forgiving mood if they read on. It's in your own benefit to have a first chapter that represents the quality of the rest of the story.)