Review for Am I Just Running In Place?

Am I Just Running In Place?

(#) ChloeMcCrackhead 2014-01-05

I'm not sure if I am reviewing this too late for you to see, but anyway:

The first thing that struck me was that Bert was portrayed as a person. Not the drunk/high alcoholic that is always an asshole for no good reason, but a real person with real thoughts and real feelings. When he is paired with Gerard, that is very hard to find in my experience.

It also brings across the message that when posting malicious messages or comments on the internet, anyone can see them, even if we don't intend for the person it is aimed at. It also proves a point of judging without proof I feel it brings these messages forward without preaching the point, which is important.

However, I feel I'm left with questions: Why does Gerard run off with Frank and ignore Bert? The fact that Bert gets drunk before going to bed hints that he has a dependency on alcohol as well. Why is he perfectly fine to pick up Gerard and look after him if so? I understand that you are trying to portray Bert as the "hero" but it feels slightly contradictory. A little more of a backstory to Gerard and Bert would shed some light as well.

For Bert to decide to leave on his own accord shows that he is a strong character, as well as putting up with Gerard for so long. You have good writing technique here too. For example, having Quinn drop the snowglobe was better to show his shock instead of just writing "Quinn was shocked". But use your techniques more often. Remember: show, don't tell.

The mentioning of Autumn was good symbolism as well, to show that Bert is ready for change and a fitting end to the story. A few minor issues here and there, but overall, very good.