I don't know which one I like more, this story or Surrogates! You are an extremely great writer; you pull people into the minds of the characters, into their surroundings. Not to say that Squall is a difficult or easy character but I love the way that you make us understand his train of thought more. I feel that even if someone isn't a fan of Final Fantasy or doesn't have a clue about the series, there would only be a couple of questions they would have: "Why did he become a leader? Leader of what? Is he military? Are they on a ship?" Other than that, the person would have no problem understanding or at least feeling what Squall is going through.
I loved it! Excellent writing, awesome imagery!